Overflowing Cup

Today I, Jennifer, read a post by a youth pastor's wife on her blog (www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com) who said that she struggles to have a cup that overflows. She writes,

"...my cup should always “overflow”. The overflow is the outpouring to others. The full cup is mine and God’s to share. I so often allow myself to “get empty”, have to refuel again, dump it all out and fill up again, dump out, fill up, etc…"

Here is some of my response to her that I thought I would share with everyone:

I see women running around, looking exhausted, having a little bit of a short fuse with their kids, and trying really hard not to show it at all. I grew up with a mom that tried to do everything and please everyone such that her cup was bone dry on occasion. It is because of watching my mom, among other women, living a life so spent they have nothing left for themselves, that I have commmited myself to never having a completely empty cup. There are three main ways that I see being successful for me and for other women in accomplishing this:

1. Keep a Sabbath. It certainly doesn't have to be Sundays! And, it probably shouldn't be if you are a Pastor's wife. Mine is Saturday because that is when my husband is off (most of the time) and when I am not expected to do much for our community. But, maybe for you it could be a Tuesday. All this means is that one day a week, every single week without fail (unless you something catastrophic happens) you do NOT do any WORK for the entire day. If you are a stay at home mom, it doesn't mean you can't play with your kids, but it does mean that you can't work on anything at home. You don't get anything "done" except for resting. On my sabbath, I don't even do the dishes. I truly believe that even if this is the only change a person makes in their lives, they will see improvement everywhere: relationships with kids, husband, colleagues, etc. Trust in the Lord that it will all get done.

2. Say "No" or "Not This Time." I know, I know, this is kind of a "duh." People say this all the time, and it sounds so simple! But, it isn't. One thing that has revolutionized the way that I look at this issue is something Benjer says, "Not all good things to do are necessary to do." Just saying, "no" right now, does not mean that you are saying you won't ever do it in the future. It means that you are looking at all the awesome things in front of you that you could do and saying, there are only a select few that I am going to do. For heavens' sakes, you could be a deaconness, join the choir, volunteer in the nursery, lead a table at MOPS, lead a small group for youth, and run the silent auction, which are all good things! But, you would have nothing left for your family, your self, your God and probably be so exhausted you wouldn't do such a great job at any of them anyway!

3. Stay Connected to the Source of Being Full. Again, this may seem obvious and simple, but it isn't for a lot of people. Staying connected to the Lord looks different for everyone. If you are in a bible study, and therefore in the Word, it may not FILL you the way you need to be filled, because for you, it may be more about pleasing others or doing it "right." Similarly, being in nature may be fun and awesome, but not necessarily bring you closer to connecting with God. Everyone is different and I think that it is important for everyone to figure out what this means. However you seek to be filled, it really has to be about being fed. From my own experience, it can't be something that you simply "got done" for it to fill you. Recently I read Beth Moore say, "You can't have a drive-by relationship wtih God and expect to behold His glory!" So, if it is nature that connects you to God, then be committed to it and go there to BE with Him, not to walk your dog and exercise, etc. If it is really studying the Word, then delve in! But do it to find Him, not find approval from someone else. This is the issue I have had to work on the most: thinking I am pleasing Him and growing with Him because I did something, when really it was all about how I might please someone else.

I hope this is helpful and not too preachy! But, I am telling you, just do the Sabbath. Just try it. Just trust in God that He will provide enough time the rest of the week and you will be filled so much by it. He designed us this way for a reason....

Jennifer

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. ~Psalm 23:5-6

Asking for help is a blessing

I have something very heavy on my heart that seems to be a universal issue among many women in my life, no matter where they are in life. (It is probably just as big of an issue for men, but I cannot speak to that or the reasons behind it). The issue is: asking for help.

Why is this so incredibly hard? Why do most the women I know prefer to run themselves into the group before they will ask for help? Where did we get this idea that it is better to be exhausted, irritable, and even depressed than have someone else just help us? Even if it is something small for them, like making a meal? I have known several women this fall and in the past month or so who have had seriously difficult and draining situations...and yet they wait until the last second to ask for help. I have some thoughts on why.

1. We don't want to seem weak. I have another "why?" here. Who says asking for help makes you weak? For example, with my two little ones, last spring I needed to have help in order to get anything extra done around the house. I wanted to have my windows, window sills and baseboards (the extra stuff) cleaned before my parents came to visit. I put it out on facebook to pay someone and a number of deaconesses from our church came to do it for free. It was a fun afternoon where I got to know some of the women leaders in our church better and they felt blessed by being able to help me. Now, how in the world did asking for help during that time make me weak? It wasn't even a real necessity, but it still didn't make me any weaker asking for the help. And, as I said, it ended up being a blessing to both parties.

2. We want to be in control. Does this statement resonate with anyone? I suspect it might. I know a lot of amazing, wonderful women who don't want to give up control for a second. Especially about their children. Especially about their house! But, however uncomfortable this may make you, just sit with the thought for a second, that it might be better for you, your children and your house if you were willing to accept help when it was offered. Sometimes my children have the most fun at another person's house with other kids to play with. Sometimes it's okay to let someone else come in and help, even if they do it a different way. And, as unpopular as this next statement is, I have news for you: we aren't really in control of things anyway. There are only two things we can control: our minds and our actions. That's it. We can't even control our own bodies. When was the last time you were able to tell your body not to get tired and have it work? Or not to get sick? Also, one thing that really shocked me when I first had children is that we can't control them for a second either! :) You have the least control over a newborn. You can't make them sleep, eat, stay awake, stop crying, poop, not poop, or anything! As a person who has really struggled with trying to stay in control and have things a certain way (Benjer exaggerates a little when he says everything in our house is labeled, but only a little ;), I have been blessed by such freedom by learning to let go a little and let someone else bless me when I need it.

3. Pride. Yep, I said it. We are first and foremost very selfish, prideful people by nature. (If you don't agree with this, then I encourage you to check out any toddler nursery room and see how many children are freely offering toys to share and saying, "no, no, you go first." You won't find it. You will see many 2 year olds insisting certain toys are "mine" or insisting "my turn first" with toys that belong to none of them). I encourage you to slay your pride and let someone else bless you the next chance you get. It may sound like an excruciating exercise, but I have found that it also brings freedom and understanding. Proverbs 11:2 states, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."


One of the biggest problems with not asking for help, is we miss out on letting other people feel blessed. Letting someone else help us is not just a blessing for us, it blesses the other person, sometimes even more. Think about the times that you have been able to help out a friend who was in the hospital or had a really sick child. Didn't you feel good knowing you could do something? Didn't it feel great to know you helped? Doesn't it also feel pretty frustrating and crummy when you feel like you can't help, or they won't let you? This is how others feel, too. Some people truly, honestly love to clean (not me :). Others love to cook (me!). Others love to garden or bring a gift. Whatever they can do, certainly everyone loves to feel the blessing that comes from being able to be useful and needed. There is almost no greater gift, because it tells them that you: 
1. Love them, like them or care for them
2. You trust them
3. They are needed and/or wanted. 
These are very important things for the people in your life to feel. 


A year ago we had just brought home our newborn, Samantha, from the hospital after a month long stay in Primary Chidren's Hospital  for a rare condition that the Lord miraculously saved her from. During the month she had been in the hospital, we did only the bare minimum of laundry, mail and housekeeping, and now it was Christmastime! Benjer and I had to swallow some pride, give up a LOT of control and perhaps seem weak to some (although I do not have any reason to think that is true) in order to get through the bills, have a clean home and give our children a good Christmas - Samantha's first! People gave us money so we could buy christmas presents, a good friend sent us 100 stamps so we could send Christmas letters out, the same good friend had our birth announcements made, and people offered to help with anything else we needed. We even invited ourselves over to some good friends' house for Christmas dinner because I could not imagine trying to make a nice meal on that day. 


So, I have had to ask for a lot of help in the recent past and know that it can be hard. But, the alternative is living in exhausted fear of what other people may think, while believing we have control, and not giving the blessing to others who want nothing more than to do something nice, and feel wanted and useful. 

First SNOW! Well, kind of.

One of the interesting things about living around the great Salt Lake is that the altitude where people live differs drastically, even in the same zip code. One of our very good friends here is Aunt Diana (affectionately known to Bethany as "Aunt Danana" and Samantha as "Dananana"). She lives up by "the bench" which is higher enough elevation from where we live that she got enough snow in her backyard to be able to build a snowman, when we did not even have a frost on our front lawn! Yep, same zip code. So, we packed up the girls in their snowsuits and took them out back to make Bethany's first snowman. It was kind of funny, because apparently the boots I have for her are way too big, so she fell in the snow a few times (joyfully), and Samantha just hung out and wondered why she was wearing a giant snowsuit (not pictured below). Also, we did not have carrots or other things for the face, so we used MnM's for the face. (Apparently the color runs in the snow. Who knew? :) It was a great time.

Below is Diana with the girls.

First Pumpkin Carving

Bethany experienced her first Pumpkin Carving today! Well, she didn't really carve today, but she got to do a lot! She even got to go with our local MOPS group to a farm and pick out her very own pumpkin from the patch.  At first she said she wanted the pumpkin to look like Balloons, but in the end decided a Kitty Cat face would be good, too.

First we scooped out the seeds

Then we drew on it what we wanted the kitty to look like

Bethany, proudly hold the "nose"

Samantha was a part of it too. She didn't think the top tasted very good, though :)

The finished product (you can see the face better when it is lit up of course)

Um, I'm not sure why, but Samantha is apparently very embarrassed of us here...

Fun day! We're going to the church's fall festival this afternoon to have a grand time with games and prizes! :) Happy fall everyone!

Samantha's Birthday, too

Hello family and friends. Our good friends, the Sullivans, hosted the birthday party for Samantha and they took some photos, which I got today. I thought you might want to see some more of the party :).

Our family all together

 Samantha is SO close to walking. She stands and stands and giggles and thinks about it, and then wobbles and decides to crawl instead. 

You all got to see how much she loved the cake in the last post, but not the succession of what happened after her awesome first cake!

All Done!

Taking off the clothes at the table...

Shaking off the extras on the chair...

And, impromptu bath in the laundry room sink!

It was great fun!
Love to all! :)

Samantha Joy McVeigh: One Year Old

Samantha was ONE yesterday!  Her party was Monday, and it was a lot of fun.  Here are a few glimpses of the festivities:

Really fun cupcakes made by Mama!

 Mmmm...what could be better than eating bugs?

 Bethany loves her friends Bethany and Leah

Opening presents...Bethany, of course, was happy to help.

 Time to sing a song!

Samantha wasn't really all that into blowing out the candle.

 But she WAS into eating the chocolate cake!

Quite into it, I'd say...

And of course, what would be a birthday without a birthday song:

Happy Birthday, Samantha! We love you!

More Summer Fun

This one will be all pictures! :) 

Cassy and Abbie DePlato on their visit out here holding our girls. Bethany and Samantha had a lot of fun with them!

At Pioneer Days (Utah holiday) parade with (from left to right): Jennifer, Bethany, Aunt Joelle, Madeline, Joshua, Uncle Jeff, Samantha and Emma.

Aunt Molly having a blast with Samantha

Benjer and Samantha enjoying the park

Cousins Caroline and Charlie with Bethany. She just adores them.

For Benjer's birthday we went bowling (the first time for Bethany). It was a ton of fun. Bethany actually beat her Mama, with bumpers and a ramp of course :).

then we went to Red Robin for dinner. Want to know how to make Samantha smile and laugh like this? 

You have to get really close to her face and laugh, like this: 

Bethany helped Daddy blow out his candles. Samantha was intrigued. Happy 30th Daddy!

Nana and Poppy took us on the train at Belleview Park in CO. Then to the petting zoo. SO much fun!